School's about to start

The night before class begins always gets me feeling anxious. While I can tell myself it is good to start back, get back into a grove, be productive; I know doing so is nothing I really look forward to doing.

I do school because of what I get out of it. Not for its own sake. Don't get me wrong, I love education and learning. I would much rather have a way of learning that was a bit less stressful though. I do this sort of thing though because of what I will get out of it. So in order for me to get ready for school here is a list of what I plan on getting out of this semester:

-A clear focus on my Honors thesis. By the time May is here I will have read at least a dozen more books and have a sense of what connects all of these stray thoughts that I have with the rest of what is cool

-One major down. I will be done with both Spanish and Political Science classes. w00t... (word of last year)

-More economic ideas. I am taking to economics classes that will hopefully be better than the class I had last semester. I don't want to feel like going to BBA will cause my brain to melt this semester.

-The proof I am not a lazy person. I feel now more than ever that I am often lazy and spend too much time just doing things to enjoy myself (sloth and gluttony). 21 hours should do that...


While I am sure there are more things I want from this semester these are the biggest ones. Now I can only sit back and enjoy the whiteness of my to do board before it is filled with lists of books to read, papers to write, and anything else that is going to come up this semester.

1st Day of Class

I remember my first day of Honors freshman year. We talked about where the self was located. I liked this idea, and when I was asked to write out just where I was I had no problem doing so. I was in a town square. Around me were vendors of all kinds. Their wares included ideas, experiences, feelings, and knowledge. I wanted as much as I could get from all of them.

Now I feel like there are still plenty of vendors selling things I have yet to try, but I am not sure if I have the time I felt I did before to get around to them all.

All I can do now is make sure that the freshmen I have been charged to help, are able to see that what was once true for me is now true for them. I want them to be able to let their selves experience all life has to offer. I want them to do more than stick to one flavor. I want them to see that while the world is pretty big, it can also be experienced.

Moving in

I like moving in at least a day before everyone else because I can then spend the day seeing all the people moving in. I am not a nostalgic person, but I find seeing everyone again comforting somehow. Of course, there are people I don't really know and people I wish I did not have to see, yet there are so many people that I love to say "hi" to. I doubt I will get to hang out with most of them unfortunately. This is okay though. I have done this for two years now. I am happy to just know that these people are doing alright. That they made it through the summer and are back here in this place with me is comforting.

Maybe it is because I like to think of my life in terms of a TV show. Every end of summer is the start of a new season. I as the main character have wacky adventures and dramas every so often, but just like The Simpsons' Halloween episodes and Friends' Thanksgiving shows I have some specific episodes that are always the same event, but with a new perspective. These perspectives compound with reflection. And now I share this year's with you...

Freshman year was new and exciting. I was busy setting up a living room in Bardon with Nathan and meeting people who understood my taste in somewhat obscure song quotes. I was in love with everything college could be for me. As the week went on I felt like I had found a home in which I would be able to prove that I am a big deal.

Sophomore year was still very new. I had recently fallen for a cute redhead I had befriended freshman year, and knew I was going to meet so many more new people. Unfortunately, I lost many friends in at least the ability to hang out with them due to a few social faux pases on my part and theirs. As the week went on I saw that my year was going to full of choices to shape the rest of college.

Junior year had me declared. I never wanted to declare, but they made me. I was also in a position to meet lots of people because I would be living with them, unlike the last year. I was ready to do just that, but school tends to keep that from happening. I was ready to show those freshmen that one day they could be like me.

Now... I'm a PA, still with my wonderful redhead, and about to start the thing that has always signaled the end of college to me: my thesis. I keep saying that I might stay another year, but that is out of fear. I don't know what's next. I don't know how this can be my last move-in to my happy Honors home. As itchy as my feet are, I don't relish the idea of not being back here. I should be more worried about finding a grad school, or at least a place to be after college. I should be ready. I should want to move on. I don't want to though. I just want to know that I will have this episode again and hope that when it comes around again I will be ready for it to be my last.

God, it is my first day back and I am already thinking about next year!