Porn and the Image

While I will have a more formal write up on my thesis blog soon enough about this hopefully, these thoughts are more personal than will go there.

I don't really look at porn. Honestly, I would feel guilty doing so while I have a pretty wonderful girlfriend who only has eyes for me, but there are other things about porn that I just find so unappealing that looking at it can be a turnoff.

Now when I say porn, I am talking about Internet porn. I have only ever looked at a few Playboy mags ever (and they were all my girlfriend's). Porn to me is what you find on the Internet by looking at the dirty page of fark.com or googling the terms "nude girl" plus whatever trait you might be feeling into at that particular moment. This should give you plenty of sites that are just junk because they are either pay-sites or portals trying to get you to go to pay-sites. And as we all know the only pay-site that anyone is probably willing to admit actually purchasing access to and not regretting is Suicide Girls. Of course, the only reason that anyone does that is because it is the equivalent to getting a Playboy back in the day "for the articles."

Anyway, when I see porn my mind goes through the same thought process every time. This is simply because all porn ends up looking the same to me.

1) Is this girl attractive? I have to ask myself this because I cannot help but to simply be entertained by the fact that there is a woman, nude, sitting in some odd position with her clothing (if any) removed to cover her stomach's creases as she sits awkwardly looking at (or away from) the camera. To me, while I enjoy nude girls, this stance always strikes me as overly staged. Either it is meant to be done in a less than tasteful pin-up style or the girl is trying to show as much of her nudity as possible in one oddly angled shot. Once I get past this there is still the hair and make-up and photographic effects that I have to see through before I can even answer my question.

I feel like this in real life sometimes too. For most people determining attractiveness is like finding a ripe melon. We all have that idea that we should tap on the melon to listen for that hollow sound, but does anyone ever hear anything but that sound? This rule of thumb seems pretty useless to me, but we all follow it. My thumping measure for people to imagine them as if we were serfs in Europe in the Middle Ages. This way we are all kind of dirty with our hair a mess and all the make-up and push-up bras are being used to burn the witches. The only thing that people take from this world is their weight and fitness. These are things that I cannot get rid despite the fact that in the Middle Ages we would all be much skinnier (and shorter). At this point I think, "Okay, this is natural beauty, whadaya think?" More often then not with this game I find most people good looking enough, even if they do not match my personal standards.

I cannot do this with porn though. The package that porn is presented in is too static for me to do this. So I end up with only my personal standards of what I enjoy in physical appearance. This immediately fills me with rage at my callowness when shown this sort of thing. So I am pushed on to my next thought.

2) Would I like to have sex with this person? I tend to think no, but how can I be sure. My first question is needed to have a sound answer to this one so I am just lost before I move on to my third question.

3) Would a feminist like this? The answer is usually no in the most strict sense, but I tend to think there are shades of gray in this. What about this is anti-feminist? Pubic hair? Weight? Any Plastic Surgery? Photoshop? Pose? I tend to not worry about the whole objectification of women thing. I feel bad when I accidentally do this for the first split-second I see a girl in real life and I typically avoid that line of though unless I am people watching, in which case I am evaluating the attractiveness of boys as well (because such games are fun in malls). Eventually, my moral code is placated by simply thinking about this and all the social and psychological effects this sort of thing has on our culture.

But the only reason all of this really comes up is because I have been thinking about why I could never really like porn movies or even any kind of porn beyond just a picture of a nude girl. It is because she as a girl, nude, smiling at the camera is an image that has no tarnish with all the stickiness that is sex. There is only the fresh smell that people only have before sex. There is no awkward foreplay, no post-coital dismount to worry about doing gracefully, not even the need to make sure that the blankets are pulled up properly so no one gets cold. All that is in the photo is just a girl with a promise for idealized sex.

To me this kind of idealizing is a mental pitfall. It allows us to become all to enamored with something that doesn't really exist. I see this in my desire to be like Marty McFly or Brodie Bruce. These guys are not the best at anything, but they have a wit and happiness with life that I aspire to. I tend to see this as being a good thing to want, but in my darker hours I wonder. I compare what I have to what that idealized version is and see my life as imperfect compared to it. Often it takes a large amount of effort on my part to remind myself that the parts of those guys' lives I get to see is framed to seem like their whole life is awesome. Rationally, I know that Brodie will always have fights with his girlfriend and will probably eventually have to spend a few stressful days at work. These are not the first thoughts I have of him though. To me he will always be the jobless slacker who has a hawt girlfriend and a collection of comics that is so perfect he won't even let his best friend read them. I am sure that this idealized view of life is a part of the way I see the world, but at least I am aware of it. What about the rest of the world that shares in my idealized idols but does not see what I do? Are they more or less prone to the same bouts of worry I feel from time to time?