I remember my first day of Honors freshman year. We talked about where the self was located. I liked this idea, and when I was asked to write out just where I was I had no problem doing so. I was in a town square. Around me were vendors of all kinds. Their wares included ideas, experiences, feelings, and knowledge. I wanted as much as I could get from all of them.
Now I feel like there are still plenty of vendors selling things I have yet to try, but I am not sure if I have the time I felt I did before to get around to them all.
All I can do now is make sure that the freshmen I have been charged to help, are able to see that what was once true for me is now true for them. I want them to be able to let their selves experience all life has to offer. I want them to do more than stick to one flavor. I want them to see that while the world is pretty big, it can also be experienced.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Moving in
I like moving in at least a day before everyone else because I can then spend the day seeing all the people moving in. I am not a nostalgic person, but I find seeing everyone again comforting somehow. Of course, there are people I don't really know and people I wish I did not have to see, yet there are so many people that I love to say "hi" to. I doubt I will get to hang out with most of them unfortunately. This is okay though. I have done this for two years now. I am happy to just know that these people are doing alright. That they made it through the summer and are back here in this place with me is comforting.
Maybe it is because I like to think of my life in terms of a TV show. Every end of summer is the start of a new season. I as the main character have wacky adventures and dramas every so often, but just like The Simpsons' Halloween episodes and Friends' Thanksgiving shows I have some specific episodes that are always the same event, but with a new perspective. These perspectives compound with reflection. And now I share this year's with you...
Freshman year was new and exciting. I was busy setting up a living room in Bardon with Nathan and meeting people who understood my taste in somewhat obscure song quotes. I was in love with everything college could be for me. As the week went on I felt like I had found a home in which I would be able to prove that I am a big deal.
Sophomore year was still very new. I had recently fallen for a cute redhead I had befriended freshman year, and knew I was going to meet so many more new people. Unfortunately, I lost many friends in at least the ability to hang out with them due to a few social faux pases on my part and theirs. As the week went on I saw that my year was going to full of choices to shape the rest of college.
Junior year had me declared. I never wanted to declare, but they made me. I was also in a position to meet lots of people because I would be living with them, unlike the last year. I was ready to do just that, but school tends to keep that from happening. I was ready to show those freshmen that one day they could be like me.
Now... I'm a PA, still with my wonderful redhead, and about to start the thing that has always signaled the end of college to me: my thesis. I keep saying that I might stay another year, but that is out of fear. I don't know what's next. I don't know how this can be my last move-in to my happy Honors home. As itchy as my feet are, I don't relish the idea of not being back here. I should be more worried about finding a grad school, or at least a place to be after college. I should be ready. I should want to move on. I don't want to though. I just want to know that I will have this episode again and hope that when it comes around again I will be ready for it to be my last.
God, it is my first day back and I am already thinking about next year!
Maybe it is because I like to think of my life in terms of a TV show. Every end of summer is the start of a new season. I as the main character have wacky adventures and dramas every so often, but just like The Simpsons' Halloween episodes and Friends' Thanksgiving shows I have some specific episodes that are always the same event, but with a new perspective. These perspectives compound with reflection. And now I share this year's with you...
Freshman year was new and exciting. I was busy setting up a living room in Bardon with Nathan and meeting people who understood my taste in somewhat obscure song quotes. I was in love with everything college could be for me. As the week went on I felt like I had found a home in which I would be able to prove that I am a big deal.
Sophomore year was still very new. I had recently fallen for a cute redhead I had befriended freshman year, and knew I was going to meet so many more new people. Unfortunately, I lost many friends in at least the ability to hang out with them due to a few social faux pases on my part and theirs. As the week went on I saw that my year was going to full of choices to shape the rest of college.
Junior year had me declared. I never wanted to declare, but they made me. I was also in a position to meet lots of people because I would be living with them, unlike the last year. I was ready to do just that, but school tends to keep that from happening. I was ready to show those freshmen that one day they could be like me.
Now... I'm a PA, still with my wonderful redhead, and about to start the thing that has always signaled the end of college to me: my thesis. I keep saying that I might stay another year, but that is out of fear. I don't know what's next. I don't know how this can be my last move-in to my happy Honors home. As itchy as my feet are, I don't relish the idea of not being back here. I should be more worried about finding a grad school, or at least a place to be after college. I should be ready. I should want to move on. I don't want to though. I just want to know that I will have this episode again and hope that when it comes around again I will be ready for it to be my last.
God, it is my first day back and I am already thinking about next year!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Why Did I Dream That?
So last night I had this dream that involved a guy I have not seen in 3 and a half years. He was an interesting friend from back in the day, but as we got older he got more annoying. So we parted ways. He was kind of an Opie type and will probably be a motivational speaker one day.
So he was in the place I stayed in Pärnu and just sort of hanging out. Why would I put him in Estonia? I really liked the place I was in there, but I have not even thought of him in over a year. I get why Rachel Smith was there. I at least saw her a few months ago. Of course, why was she using a computer? What was she looking at on-line?
Dreams are funny things, half the time I feel like I am living out some sort of "what if" of my life, but others I am just living out some sort of life remix. This one was the later, and I don't ever know how to dissect those.
So he was in the place I stayed in Pärnu and just sort of hanging out. Why would I put him in Estonia? I really liked the place I was in there, but I have not even thought of him in over a year. I get why Rachel Smith was there. I at least saw her a few months ago. Of course, why was she using a computer? What was she looking at on-line?
Dreams are funny things, half the time I feel like I am living out some sort of "what if" of my life, but others I am just living out some sort of life remix. This one was the later, and I don't ever know how to dissect those.
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